The Little Book of Crack oOo Naruto Style oOo
by gonyonomaru
Summary: Click if you dare... In this little book you will see what truly goes on in the Innocent lives of Naruto Characters.. it might not be true.. but you never know what goes on behind the scenes.
1. oOo Neji oOo The caterpillar oOo

Haha this is the Naruto version of my little book of crack! I hope everyone also likes the Inuyasha, Akatsuki and Bleach little books of crack! Lol If you just began reading my stories I want to say that somehow an Uchiha ends up in most of the chapters... I guess they're just that special... enjoy!

Hyuga Neji- The caterpillar

Neji this, Neji that, Neji look, Neji come here. Neji was sick of all the attention he was getting from his classmates. Why couldn't they just leave him alone to train in peace?

His inner voice kept telling him to just ignore them and keep training, but he had been listening to his inner voice for the past two hours and clearly it was not working.

He had got almost no training done because each time he was about to try a jutsu someone jumped in front of him and distracted him. Half of the time he was tempted to yell at said person, but he was Neji and he would never lower himself to doing such a thing.

However, he was beginning to question that theory when Ino jumped in front of him and screamed 'I miss Sasuke' at the top of her lungs.

Finally getting enough of this he quietly stood up and ran into the forest. Unknown to him Ino was now smiling as Kiba gave her money.

She had bet that her screaming would drive Neji away, and Kiba had bet against her. Needless to say, Ino won the bet.

Later...

Neji ran through the forest quietly, but not before making sure no one was following him. When he had made it to a clearing he stopped and looked around.

Peace and quiet surrounded him like a warm fuzzy blanket. He deemed this place good enough to meditate at.

There wasn't a soul in the area for miles, and that was great news. Neji walked to the middle of the clearing and sat down in a meditating pose. Then he took several deep breaths and began to mediate.

Even later...

Yummy, a human was here! The mysterious being crawled over to the meditating form of Neji and made a smile that showed all of its very sharp teeth.

Then it circled Neji and decided that the 'yummiest' part of him was hand. After making sure Neji was deep in meditation mode it crawled up on his hand and then... _chomp_..._smack_.

Neji had been meditating in peace and silence, but then suddenly some wormy thing bit him in the hand. It had even made a distinct 'chomping' noise.

So, he quickly smacked it and he watched in disgust as the thing peeled itself off him hand and jumped in the grass. Damn, that was one creepy caterpillar.

The distraction had made him now realize it was mid afternoon and it was time for lunch. He got up off his spot in the clearing and began walking into the forest.

However, when he just took a few steps past a large oak there was a slithering sound behind him. Neji quickly turned around and narrowed his eyes when he saw Orochimaru standing by the oak.

Orochimaru smiled at his with his usual creepy smile and then said, "Neji, I have come for your eyes."

Neji got into a defensive stance and then said, "You can try." Orochimaru said nothing and then ran at Neji with a slimy sword in his hand. Before Orochimaru got close Neji closed his eyes and then said, "Byakugan."

When he opened his eyes he was shocked to see Orochimaru running at him with no clothes on. What the hell, when had he had time to do that?

Out of shock Neji deactivated the Byakugan and then jumped back a hundred feet. When he looked at Orochimaru again he saw his clothes were on again.

He shook his head, how the hell did he keep doing that.

He shook the creepy thought out of his mind and reactivated the Byakugan. Once again, when he looked at Orochimaru the creeper had no clothes on.

But wait, something was missing... Neji looked down a bit and then, "OH SHIT MY EYES!"

Neji had seen Orochimaru's little wee wee, and the sight of that had made poor Neji faint and try to poke his eyes out at the same time. Orochimaru looked at Neji silently.

What was he screaming about? Then the fully clothed form of Orochimaru walked over to Neji's body, poked it once, and then took out his eyes quickly.

At Orochimaru's evil lair...

Sasuke wandered around Orochimaru's base quietly. Orochimaru had promised him new eyes today, and he was getting impatient. Maybe he had just said that to test his patience.

Stupid Orochimaru, one of these days he was going to kill him. Orochimaru walked into the room a few minutes later with a glass jar that had two eyes in it. Sasuke walked over to Orochimaru and said, "Transplant them now."

Orochimaru nodded and then led Sasuke to the operating room. Then Orochimaru performed the procedure and led the blindfolded form of Sasuke back to his room.

The next day Sasuke woke up early and was very eager to try out his new eyes. He got out of bed quickly and went down to the training room.

Orochimaru was already there and he smirked at Sasuke. Sasuke wasted no time and activated his new half Sharingan half Byakugan and looked toward Orochimaru with narrowed eyes.

Everything looked normal and nothing felt wrong so he was ok with that, but still there was something that he couldn't put his finger on. He tried a few techniques with his new eyes and when satisfied he left to go eat breakfast.

Later that day, Sasuke went to train by himself for a bit with his new eyes. Near evening Orochimaru walked in the room but, ohmygosh, he was naked.

Sasuke could practically feel his eyes bulge out of his sockets and he yelled, "Orochimaru, put some clothes on!" Orochimaru looked at him in confusion, he was fully dressed and he had no idea what Sasuke was talking about.

So, he just stood there and Sasuke was starting to twitch when he said, "Did you hear me? I don't want you walking about naked!"

Now Orochimaru twitched and said, "Sasuke, I'm not naked. You're imagining things." Sasuke narrowed his eyes and said, "I. Am. Not." Then he ran at Orochimaru with his sword out and cut his head off.

What an anti-climatic death for poor snakey.

Much later...

It was raining outside, but Sasuke didn't care. Today was the day he was supposed to face off and kill his brother.

Itachi was already at the building they were going to fight at and he looked poised and ready for anything. Sasuke stood a few feet in front of his most hatred enemy and activated his eyes.

Itachi looked at his little brother as he activated his eyes but then twitched when he saw Sasuke pointing at him with a horrified expression on his face. When Sasuke had activated his eyes for some reason he saw Itachi standing naked in front of him.

He pointed at him in horror and then screamed, "Itachi what the hell I don't want to see that!" Itachi raised his eyebrow and said, "I do not know of what you speak little brother."

Sasuke dead panned and then screamed, "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" Itachi shook his head and then said, "I am wearing clothes, what is wrong with you?"

Sasuke made a gagging noise when he accidentally looked down below Itachi's waist and then fell to the ground twitching violently.

Itachi looked at his brother have a seizure in front of him for a while and then wondered if he was insane when Sasuke screamed 'its so big!' at the top of his lungs.

Finally Sasuke had one last spasm and died. Wow, that is just so... strange. Itachi shrugged and walked over to the body.

Then he carefully took Sasuke's eyes and went to go get Madara to transplant them for him.

After the operation...

Itachi looked around the room quietly, he had just gotten Sasuke's eyes and he was getting used to them. When he saw Madara he gave him a nod and then he heard Madara say, "Try them out."

Itachi did as he was told and activated his new quarter Byakugan and three quarter Sharingan. When he opened his eyes to look at Madara he resisted the urge to gag.

For some unknown reason Madara was now naked in front of him. Itachi twitched and then said, "Madara I'm not gay, put some clothes on." Madara looked at him in confusion, "Itachi what are you talking about? I am fully clothed."

Then it hit him, Madara _was_ wearing clothes, but he couldn't see them. So he deactivated his eyes and saw that his guess had been correct.

Then Itachi shook his head and said, "This can only be the work of the nakeleous caterpillar."

Madara shook his head in confusion and said, "The what? Itachi, what are you talking about?"

Itachi got up and then said, "The nakeleous caterpillar is a caterpillar that bites humans and makes them only be able to see everything naked. Since these eyes are part Byakugan I am guessing that Neji got bitten by the caterpillar and Sasuke somehow got his eyes. Now that I have his eyes I just saw you naked."

Madara looked at him quietly but then grinned at him before saying, "Did you like what you saw?"


	2. oOo Sasuke oOo The drink oOo

Muwahahahaha its Sasuke's turn to get humiliated :P Hehe, this is more fun they I originally thought it would be XD

Uchiha Sasuke- The drink

As we all know Uchiha Sasuke has problems expressing his feelings. Well, except for in Naruto Manga 487 where he begins to laugh like a retard, but I digress.

Anyway, Sasuke has issues but it turns out that they can easily be fixed. Wow, now that gets my attention. Now let's see how Sasuke 'solves' his emotional problems with one little thing...

This was stupid and useless. Sasuke was completely against going to a club but the rest of his team insisted that they should.

He had just killed Orochimaru and they needed to celebrate the fact that Sasuke was no longer going to get molested in his sleep. So, his team mates dragged him to a club and went to go dance.

Thus leaving Sasuke alone by the bar. Since he had nothing better to do he got himself a glass of beer.

He sat down on the bar stool and took a sip of the alcoholic beverage. At that moment the most magical thing happened. Sasuke, the emo, just realized what he had been missing his entire life.

However, the second he swallowed he forgot what that thing was and to make it come back he took another sip. This time he saw it more clearly, 'it' had spiky yellow hair and it wore bright orange clothing.

Once again it disappeared and Sasuke had to take a big gulp to make it come back. But wait, yellow hair, orange clothing, big goofy smile, that can only be one person. Naruto.

Sasuke's eyes widened and he realized that what he needed in his life was Naruto. Now in his mind killing Itachi was nothing compared to finding Naruto. He had to find him and... and... what?

Sasuke finished his glass of beer and realized what he had to do. He had to find Naruto and confess his love for him. Woah, where did that come from? Somehow, his hatred for Naruto had turned into love. Damn that's screwed up.

He had to find out if Naruto felt the same, so he stood up and ran out of the club. Then into the wind he whispered 'Naruto, you don't have to bring me back, im coming back to you'.

With Naruto...

Naruto sat at his favourite ramen stall eating, gasp, ramen. Suddenly he thought he heard a familiar voice say 'Naruto, you don't have to bring me back, im coming back to you'.

Naruto shook his head, the only person he had to bring back was Sasuke and he had clearly shown he had no intention of coming back. Then Naruto brushed the thought out of his head and happily began to eat ramen.

When he was done he began walking back to his apartment slowly. He was in no rush to get into his lonely silent home. Sure he had gotten over being an orphan but for some reason he felt down today.

Then he stopped and frowned, he was Uzumaki Naruto and what was he doing thinking such thoughts? If he kept acting this wimpy there was no way he was ever going to bring Sasuke back.

So, now with a determined expression Naruto walked back home and vowed to find Sasuke the next day. He had waited long enough and he was brining Sasuke back no matter what.

With Sasuke...

Sasuke ran and ran and ran, ran, ran, ran. Why the hell was that stupid club so far away from civilization in the first place? Finally, by early morning Sasuke was at Konoha's main gates.

He didn't bother to do a transformation jutsu and just ran into the village in search of Naruto. He ran into Naruto's apartment, only to find that it was empty and there was a note on the fridge.

Sasuke walked over to it and saw that it read 'Jiraya, if you're looking for me I have gone to look for Sasuke, signed Naruto'. Sasuke swore and ran out of the apartment; he had to find Naruto before he got too far away.

So here it is, Naruto is out looking for Sasuke in the woods while Sasuke is looking for Naruto in the city. What a couple of idiots, they definitely belong together.

With Naruto...

Naruto had woken up at 3:00am, gotten up, and bolted out of Konoha. Now he was somewhere in the middle of the forest, aimlessly looking for Sasuke. Suddenly he saw a bunch of people that looked familiar.

Then when they got closer he recognized them to be Sasuke's new team mates. He ran over there boldly and with closed eyes he yelled, "Alright Sasuke you're coming with me!"

He was met with silence so he opened his eyes and gasped when he saw Sasuke wasn't with their group. But... but... why?

Karin saw Naruto's confused look and she said, "Sasuke ditched us at a club." Naruto was even more confused now but then he said, "So... you don't know where he is?"

She shook her head and said, "Nope." Naruto sighed and began walking away. This was going to take a long time...

With Sasuke...

Sasuke was now one hundred percent sure that Naruto was not in Konoha so he ran out the gates and into the forest.

He ran around the forest aimlessly for a couple of hours until he ran into his team mates. They looked very glad to see him but before they could say anything Sasuke said, "Have you seen Naruto?"

Karin sighed and pointed west. Then Sasuke nodded and began running. Now he was definitely going to find Naruto. After a couple of more hours of running Sasuke saw a figure up ahead.

He increased his speed and soon he was only a few feet from the figure. It was getting dark so Sasuke couldn't see who it was but the chakra was unmistakable.

"Naruto" Sasuke said barely above a whisper. Naruto turned around and yelled, "Sasuke! What the hell you almost gave me a heart attack!"

Sasuke scoffed and then muttered 'and you call yourself a ninja?' Naruto heard him and then yelled, "Hey! I am so a ninja, look at me!"

Once again Sasuke scoffed but then he walked up to Naruto until he was standing only an arms length away.

Naruto seemed nervous about the closeness and he said, "Uh... Sasuke... what are you- mpphh" Naruto's words were cut off when Sasuke grabbed both sides of Naruto's head and kissed his roughly.

At first Naruto struggled against the kiss but then he relaxed a bit. When Sasuke pulled back Naruto stared at him with confusion in his eyes. Then Sasuke said, "Naruto, tell me how you feel about me?"

Naruto blushed and tried to back up but Sasuke was still holding his head so he couldn't. When Naruto saw that Sasuke was still looking for an answer he said, "I... don't know... I've never thought about it before, all I know is that I need you in my life, why else would I try to bring you back to Konoha?"

Sasuke smirked and then said, "So now you need me?" Naruto glared at him and yelled, "Hey, you know what mpphh"

Once again Naruto was cut off by Sasuke kissing him. When he pulled back Naruto looked down and then in a lower tone said, "Hey, you know what? I... do need you."

Suddenly, Sasuke twitched and jumped back a couple of steps. Then he looked around with confusion written all over his head and said, "Woah, where am I? Naruto what the hell are you doing here?"

Naruto gaped at Sasuke, there was no way this could be real. Then Naruto glared at Sasuke and said, "Nice try, you can't just kiss me and then pretend it never happened!"

Now it was Sasuke's turn to gape and after a while he said, "I kissed you? Why the hell would I do that...? I'm not drunk... but..." Sasuke trailed off when he realized that he _had_ been drunk after the beer at the club.

Naruto waited for him to continue and Sasuke said, "Naruto, swear this never happened and no one finds out that we kissed got it?"

Naruto nodded and then said, "Deal." Then the both of them went separate ways. Sure this was a good opportunity to fight but it would just be waaaayy to awkward.

When the both of them had gone far away from each other a hooded figure walked out from the bushes. It had seen everything, including the kiss.

Then the hooded figure took his hood off and let himself one of those rare moment where he could relax. Itachi then put his hood back on and chuckled. He was soooo using this against his brother when they fought.


	3. oOo Orochimaru oOo The accident oOo

Yey its time for Orochimaru to show up! I know most people think he's gay, and it's definitely implied in the mange/anime, but I'm gonna give him a shot at being straight. Let's see how it goes... (I'm probably going to fail :P)

Orochimaru- The accident

Orochimaru had in interesting idea, a very, very interesting idea. He wanted Sasuke's body, but he knew that Sasuke would never go with him because of the way he looked now.

So, Orochimaru's plan was to... *dramatic music*... get plastic surgery! It always worked for celebrities so why not him? He was extremely proud of his plan and he did not want to delay so he ran all the way to the plastic surgeons office.

When he surgeon asked him what he wanted done Orochimaru said that he wanted to look like a hot woman to attract Sasuke. The surgeon nodded and the nurses prepared Orochimaru for the surgery.

After a while of waiting Orochimaru was taken to the operating room and a nurse put one of those sleeping gas masks on him. Then he, (ha it's a male nurse), told Orochimaru to count to ten out loud.

Orochimaru did so and by the time he was at eight he was already asleep...

The surgeon looked at Orochimaru's sleeping body quietly. He knew this was _the_ Orochimaru. Everyone called him gay names like 'pedophile' or 'the gay sannin' or 'tongue-rape man'.

Now it just so happens that the surgeon was the number one biggest fan or Orochimaru, and he knew that Orochimaru was not gay. So, he decided to help him out a bit and not make him a hot woman. Instead, he made him...a...

The next day...

Orochimaru woke up calmly and looked around. He faintly remembered being in the surgeons office and that he wanted to make himself look like a woman to attract Sasuke.

His face felt stiff and so did his chest and arms. Since he had nothing better to do Orochimaru just lay there, imagining how beautiful he was under the bandages.

After a while the smiling surgeon came into the room and said that it was okay to take the bandages off now. Orochimaru smirked; this was going to be great.

At first the surgeon unwrapped Orochimaru's face, then the arms, and then the chest. When he was done Orochimaru looked down and gasped. His chest was flat, and his arms were muscular!

But... but... he wanted to be a woman! Then Orochimaru hesitantly reached over to feel his face and found that he now had a perfectly structures face of a man.

Orochimaru turned to glare at the surgeon who just grinned and left the room quickly. Orochimaru just sat there in shock, how was he going to attract Sasuke now?

He was pretty sure Sasuke was not gay, but then again Sasuke didn't like any gender so he might as well be an it.

Then Orochimaru reassessed the situation. Now he looked like a muscular hot guy, so... he could get women! Then Orochimaru grinned and stood up.

After all those years of being called gay he could now set the record straight. He was Orochimaru and he was definitely _not_ gay!

It was mid evening and the sun had just set, meaning that it was time for Orochimaru to begin his plan. Screw Sasuke, this was much more important.

Orochimaru confidently walked into a night club and he smirked when he saw all eyes turn to him. Women winked at him and men glared at him. Yup, he was now officially hot.

He walked over to the bar to sit down and found that women began to crowd around him. They were total flirts and he knew these were the slutty women. He was not the type of guy to go for such easy targets.

He wanted a challenge so he looked around the club to see of any such women could be found here. Then he saw her, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

She had long raven hair, onyx eyes, and a beautiful face. Orochimaru never believed in love at love at first sight, but he was sure this was it.

He pushed his way out of the crowd of girls around him and over to the woman. Then he stood beside her casually and smirked when she looked his way.

She glared at him but his smirk just widened and he said, "Hey, I'm Orochimaru what's your name?" She looked over him, sighed and then said, "I'm Sukesa, now leave me alone."

Orochimaru just chuckled and continued with, "What's a beautiful girl like you doing alone here?" She seemed to smile slightly and then she said, "Who said that I was alone."

Orochimaru smiled; good she was a smart one. Then she said, "What's a hot guy like you doing here alone?" Orochimaru looked back at the dance floor and then said, "I'm new here, I don't have that many friends in Konoha."

Sukesa nodded and then smirked, "Do you want me to be your new friend?" Orochimaru looked back at her and said, "I would like that, I would like that a lot."

'Sukesa' tried to hide the grin that wanted to spread itself all over 'her' face. She was extremely pleased with the way things were going, and her plan was working perfectly.

She didn't even have to approach him; he just walked over to her. Plus, there was that added bonus when she saw that Orochimaru looked really good. She could see his large muscles and his face was just gorgeous.

Then she looked back at Orochimaru who was now sending her a sexy smile. She decided to step things up a bit and then said, "You got a place to stay?"

He shook his head and gave her a shocked look when she said, "You can stay at mine." Then she grabbed his hand and led him out of the club.

Orochimaru looked completely star struck, it was as if this was the first time a girl dragged him out of a club. But then again, this was the first time she was doing it.

She was usually the one trying to flee her mob of fans. While she was walking she shook her head slightly, maybe Orochimaru was not as smart as she thought.

She thought that he would see right through her when she said her name. I mean seriously look; Sukesa is the rearranged letters of _Sasuke._

Orochimaru was completely shocked. Here a complete stranger was pulling him to her room. This was going way better then he thought it would.

However, there was one little thought that kept popping up in his head. What if Sukesa turned out to be not who she said she was.

Then when she turned to smile at him he brushed the thought out of her head, there was no way that this girl was not who she said she was. She was just way to pretty to be a liar.

When they both got to Sukesa's house Orochimaru had a little deja-vu. He swore he had been here before. This place looked very familiar, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. Sukesa wasted no time and dragged him inside her large house.

It looked like a very expensive house and Orochimaru briefly wondered where she had gotten the money to buy this place. Moreover, this place looked deserted.

The shelves were dusty and it looked like Sukesa was the only current inhabitant of his place. However, Orochimaru didn't mind this because if she was going to do what he thought she was going to do it was best that no one else heard them.

Then she led him up the long stairs and into a large bedroom. Orochimaru was stunned, looks like he was right. She really did want to do _that_ with him.

Then Sukesa sat on the bed and invited him to sit beside her. Orochimaru complied and the second he sat down Sukesa pushed him down on the bed roughly.

At that moment reality came crashing down and Orochimaru recognized who 'she' was. He stared at 'Sukesa' in complete and utter shock until he finally said, "Sasuke?... You're a woman?"

Sasuke smirked and then and a deep voice he said, "Orochimaru... you're straight?" Now Orochimaru scowled and then said, "Yes! I was trying to pick up _women_ but you screwed that up for me. What the hell are you doing?"

Sasuke's smirk widened and then said, "I wanted to go to the club without getting hordes of fan girls chasing after me, this seemed like a reasonable option."

Orochimaru sat up quickly and then said, "You were coming on to me, how is that reasonable?" Then Sasuke sat up too and said, "Orochimaru, I was coming on to you because... I'm gay."

Dun Dun Dun Sasuke is gay! Lawl. He doesn't have to be if you don't want him to be though. Oh and while I was thinking of a name for girl Sasuke I realized that you can't spell Sasuke without Uke. Hehe, that's pretty interesting. Btw I believe that the 'uke' is the non dominant person in a gay relationship.


	4. oOo Gaara oOo The sand oOo

Chapter 4! Yeeeyy! Since Tobi isn't here to screw the chapter up I invited karma to do it for me. Hehehe...

Gaara- The sand

Karma sat up in heaven in deep thought. It knew that it was about time Gaara paid for killing so many people in his short lifetime, but it didn't know what to use to make him suffer.

He didn't really care for anyone or anything since his sand always protected him. That's it! His sand, that's what needed to be used.

Karma laughed evilly and cast its spell on Gaara. This was going to be fun.

With Gaara...

Gaara woke up with a start. Something was touching him and he did not like it. Nothing ever touched him; his sand protected him.

He looked around and to his shock he saw his sand sitting on the bed beside him in the shape of a giant fuzzy cat. Gaara twitched, he hated cats.

His sand looked at him in silence for a moment before opening its mouth and in an extremely high pitch it screamed, "I'M FREE FROM YOUR CONTROL MUWAHAHAHAHAH".

Gaara looked at the cat in slight shock and then in monotone he said, "What are you?" The cat chuckled and said, "I am your sand! Well, I was your sand... now... IM A CAT!"

Gaara gave the cat a long blank stare until he realized that since his sand was free nothing protected him. The cat grinned when it saw Gaara's facial expression and said, "Now Mr.-My-Sand-Protects-Me-So-I-Can-Be-An-Ass what are you going to do?"

Gaara glared at the cat, got up from bed and left the room. The cat frowned slightly but then grinned and ran after him. Now that it was free it could go anywhere but mocking Gaara was so much fun.

Later...

Gaara walked down the long hallways of his house in extremely deep thought. His thoughts were indeed so deep that he did not notice when his sand ran up to him and pulled his pants down.

Gaara snapped back into reality when he felt his legs were cold. He looked down and when he saw his pants had been pulled down he let out a low growl. The cat walked out of a wall randomly and began to laugh at him when Gaara hissed and tried to jump at it but fell because he tripped over his pants.

Gaara peeled himself off the floor, pulled his pants up and glared coolly at the cat, which was laughing and rolling on the ground. He shook his head and left, he was not going to hang around some insane cat for the rest of the day.

Even later...

He needed a place to hide, fast. For the past three hours poor Gaara had been walking around his house but that stupid cat kept following him and making fun of him.

He had thought about running into town and hiding there but he couldn't risk letting the villagers see him in a moment of weakness.

So, since he had no where else to go Gaara decided to go to the safest place in the entire ninja world. The Akatsuki base.

The reason for the kazekage going to the place where he had been killed was simple. He needed that cat caught and retrained to be his sand again.

He was far too lazy to do this himself and he figured that the Akatsuki could do anything. Oh how horribly wrong Gaara was.

He still had no idea that the Akatsuki members were just little idiot puppets under the control of some immortal bipolar idiot by the name of Tobi. Oh well, I guess he'll find out when he gets there.

At the Akatsuki base...

"That is what I want you to tell the other members alright? Word for word and don't let me down Pein," finished Madara calmly as he put his mask back on and mentally prepared himself to become Tobi again.

Pein nodded and then proceeded to call the other Akatsuki members to the meeting room. Madara had just talked to karma, (yes he's just that awesome), and he had found out that Gaara was no longer in control of his sand and that he was headed to the Akatsuki base.

When everyone was finally there Pein began with, "I just spoke with a very important informant and I have some news."

The room instantly went quiet because every single member knew that when Pein spoke with an informant there was something big about to happen.

Pein continued with, "This is not a rumour but it is rather shocking. Gaara, the same Gaara we killed, is coming here because he has lost control of his sand. He will want us to catch his sand and my informant has given me a very useful weapon to do so. Meaning that we will accept this mission and all of you will help."

The room was silent for a few more minutes before Tobi interrupted with, "Can Tobi help! Tobi wants to help because he is a good boy and good boys help!"

Pein resisted the urge to sigh. He could barely believe that the person talking to him was capable of mass murder within seconds.

Then he nodded and said, "Yes, Tobi you can help, we need all the help we can get."

After Tobi screamed for a few more minutes Itachi said, "What will be given to us in return for our help?"

Pein recalled his conversation with Madara and then when he remembered the answer he said, "We will get money and a new base in Sand Country."

Itachi looked somewhat surprised but said nothing. After that the room went quiet again for a long time before Tobi broke it by saying, "Tobi is hungry! Tobi wants to eat!"

Everyone sweat dropped and then Pein dismissed everyone. As Tobi was leaving he passed by Pein and quickly whispered, "Good job."

With Gaara...

That damn cat was going to pay. After it had followed poor Gaara around for most of the day it decided that the best thing to do was sit on Gaara's head.

At first Gaara tried to push it off put it clung to his head like a nasty piece of gum. Then he just ignored the cat but then it did the most shocking thing a cat can do on someone's head.

It pooped.

Yes, read that over.

A cat made of sand somehow managed to poop on Gaara's head.

Of course Gaara was super pissed and he went to get the poop off but then he realized that he couldn't because it was stuck on. So then Gaara was left with two choices.

One; keep the poop on his head until he figured out a way to get it off or two; cut the poop off with scissors.

Now as Gaara walked through the desert towards the Akatsuki base with two large rather distinct bald spots it was quite easy to tell he had taken choice number two.

Soon enough he could see the large and very noticeable rock that covered the Akatsuki base door. He was going to get his sand to simple lift the rock and move it over but when he looked at his psychopathic cat he decided against it.

So, instead he decided to use his man power to move the rock. Who would have guessed that Gaara was so weak without his sand?

Well, I guess we should have seen it coming considering the fact that he fights by standing still and occasionally saying stuff. Poor Gaara, poor, poor, uselessly weak Gaara.

With the Akatsuki...

"Umm... shouldn't we let him in? I mean he's been doing this for like an hour now," was the oh-so intelligent thing Deidera had to say to the other Akatsuki members.

Everyone shrugged and continued to watch through a little eyehole as Gaara huffed and attempted to heave the rock over.

So far it had moved a grand total of... *dramatic music*... 1 inch!

That's okay Gaara, you just have 100 inches or so to go. You'll get it eventually. Well, he'll either get it or die of exhaustion but do you really think I would go through all the trouble of sitting down in a chair and typing just to make Gaara die half way thought? Pfft.

Finally, Pein got bored of watching Gaara struggle and he opened the door with a simple push of his hand. Gaara stared at him in shock for a moment before composing himself and staring blankly at everyone.

"Gaara of the sand, what brings you here?" Pein's crystal clear voice spoke slowly.

"You are the Akatsuki, I'm assuming you already know." Gaara replied with the same amount of clarity but his blank stare was no longer the same because of the large bald spots.

Pein stepped aside and gestured for Gaara to walk in while saying, "Yes, we do know and we will help you if you give us something in return."

Gaara was about to step through the door but his sand stood in front of him and said, "So you're the Akatsuki... YOU BASTARDS KILLED GAARA!"

Then before anyone could even think about doing anything the cat jumped on Pein and began scratching his face of. Huh, betcha you didn't see that one coming.

Gaara brushed past Pein and his cat swiftly and followed the other Akatsuki members into the main meeting room. Pein and the cat caught up later but Pein no longer looked like he was in the mood to negotiate. Why?

Because now this was personal. That damn cat was doing to pay for scratching his perfect pierced face.

Gaara broke the awkward silence by saying, "I can give you guys money." Pein nodded and replied with, "Good, but we want a base in the desert as well."

Gaara nodded and said, "It is done, now how long will it take you to take care of my... problem?"

Behind his mask Madara smirked and Pein said, "It will take only a minute." Gaara looked pleased but the cat ruined the accomplished mood by screeching, "One minute! Are you idiots insane? You can't catch me! I'm sand!"

Madara's smirk widened and Pein continued with, "We have a weapon, it is state of the art and although it is not that big it can do a lot of damage."

By now poor Madara was almost ready to burst out in perverted maniacal laughter.

Pein looked over to Madara and nodded. Suddenly, Tobi screamed, "I'm sleepy, I'm gonna go beddy bye!" With that said he ran out of the room.

A few minutes later a dark figure walked into the room and it was indeed so dark that its face could not be seen. Everyone looked at it in shock and in a very Madara-like voice the figure said, "I am the exterminator. I am here to destroy your... cat."

Everyone was silent for a moment but then the figure took out a giant gun. At this point you could practically see everyone's eyes bulge out of their sockets.

Then the Madara-like figure aimed its gun at the cat and pulled the trigger. Everything went in slow motion as a strange yellow liquid shot out of the gun and directly on the cat.

For a long time everything was quiet before the cat sniffed the yellow liquid that was on it and screamed, "AAAAHHHHHHH ITS FUCKING PEE!"

Insert shocked gasp here.

Suddenly the dark figure appeared in front of the cat and while it was screaming the figure shot more the liquid into the cat's open mouth. Eww...

Within the second the cat made a gurgled cry before bursting into a cloud of wet pee covered sand.

"...This is gross, un," was Deidera's once again _very_ intelligent thing to say. Everyone gave him a glare and tried to brush some of the wet sand off themselves.

A minute later Tobi came running in and he screamed, "Tobi heard a Boom and Tobi was scared so he ran over here and why does everyone smell so bad and eww this is pee and TOBI IS A GOOD BOY BECAUSE HE ISN'T COVERED IN PEE!"

The group glare was then transferred from Deidera to Tobi but it was cut short when Gaara let out an evil laugh before saying, "My sand is back! Now bow to me foolish mortals! I am the all powerful Uchiha Madara!"

Tobi looked at Gaara sharply but then Gaara said, "Wait... this is the wrong script... I'm not Uchiha Madara... you stupid author you could at least bother to give me the right lines."

Tobi relaxed instantly and the author face palmed before giving Gaara the correct lines.

Gaara cleared his throat and said, "My sand is back! I am powerful again! Now I can go back to being an ass! Yeessssss."

Reviews? Next update is in a couple of days!


	5. oOo Naruto oOo The revenge oOo

This chapter is especially crackficky I mean come on; I made noodles come to life! Haha enjoy!

Uzumaki Naruto- Revenge of the Ramen

Ramen. This must have be the sole reason Uzumaki Naruto is alive now. Who knows where he would be without ramen?

Oh I know, he would be dying of starvation or, gasp, he might be eating normal food!

But... what if the ramen didn't want Naruto to eat it? What then...?

With the evil Ramen...

"Welcome fellow noodles, we have gathered here today to discuss a very important matter. It is indeed so important that life and death of all ramen hangs in the balance!" The evil Ramen leader said in a thundering voice to all the other ramen in the room.

He continued with, "Everyone eats us at least once in their lifetime but... there is one individual that eats us three times a day, everyday! He is a monstrosity and he is putting our lives in danger! Poor innocent newborn ramen get eaten without even a chance to live! We have to save our kind! We have to destroy him... We have to destroy _Uzumaki Naruto!_"

With Naruto...

Naruto yawned as he woke up in the morning. He had just had a horrible nightmare that in the middle of the night giant noodles came, beat him up, and then dragged him away.

Then Naruto opened his eyes expecting to see his room, but his eyes widened a considerable amount when he saw he was tied to a big bed made out of ramen.

This had to be a dream, but was it?

Naruto tried to struggle but then stopped when he heard his 'ropes' say, "Hey stop that! I don't like it when people pull my arms."

Naruto gasped and continued to struggle before another voice said, "Guard noodle, you may release him."

Suddenly Naruto was dropped and he turned around to see what had been holding him down.

"Woah, you're a giant noodle." Naruto said smartly to the guard that had dropped him.

He got no reply but instead he felt himself being forced to look up at the 'person' who had spoken before.

"Uzumaki Naruto, you are at Noodletopia and you are here to be tried for murder!" the booming voice practically screamed into Naruto's ear.

"Murder? There must be a mistake, I didn't kill anyone, and umm, why do you look like a giant noodle with a cape on?" Naruto said as his ears were still ringing from the yelling he had just received.

Said noodle with a cape on looked offended before screeching, "How dare you insult me, the noodle _king_! Also, how dare you deny killing all those innocent noodles you heartless murderer!"

Naruto was quiet for a moment before his face split into a grin and he said, "Haha, I killed innocent noodles? Are you kidding me? Noodles aren't alive!"

The noodle king stared at Naruto for a long, long time before frowning and saying, "You scum! We are alive, and we have feelings! This is such an offence to all noodles worldwide and this will be said to the judge!"

Before Naruto could even reply the noodle king walked out of the room with his head held high and so did the guard.

This left Naruto in a big room with walls made out of noodles. Naruto must be in heaven.

"Ohh... what wall should I start with?" Naruto said as he paced around his so called jail cell.

Upon deciding to start with the wall that smelled the best Naruto ran into it with his mouth wide open.

Ten whole minutes later the wall was gone.

That stupid noodle with a cape on should have not underestimated Naruto's ability to eat things.

After swallowing the last bite, Naruto walked out of his jail cell and he gasped in complete and utter shock.

He was standing in the middle of a twenty floor building that was in the middle of a huge city with a ton of buildings made of noodles. Then he looked down and he saw that there were bowls of living noodles walking down the street and into different buildings.

Naruto could barely contain his happiness as he realized that he was in heaven. So Naruto did what anyone else would do when they were in heaven.

He threw his head back and screamed, "I'm in heaven!"

With the evil noodle king...

"The hearing is in fifteen minutes, go get the guilty heartless murderer from his cell." The noodle king said angrily and sat down in his chair. He was still upset about what Naruto had said. Noodles were alive damn it.

A guard went to go pick Naruto up but then he paused half way there when he heard Naruto scream, "I'm in heaven!"

Following that there was a loud sound of explosions and the guard could hear screams... and munching noises.

With Naruto...

Noodles, noodles, everywhere! After Naruto had jumped down to the street he pounced on the nearest noodle beside him.

Of course the noodle screamed but Naruto silenced her but biting out a chunk of her neck. Ouch.

For a second Naruto paused and let the wonderful taste of fresh noodle wash over him. Then he was going to take another bite but guard noodles came out of no where and held him back.

Naruto struggled but then stopped when he was gagged with a chop stick. Then Naruto let himself be dragged into the courthouse but then he began struggling again when he saw that the courthouse was made out of, gasp, bricks!

What on earth were bricks doing in a place called Noodletopia! We shall never know...

With Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi...

"Finally you're here!" Sakura's annoyed voice screamed at the one again late teacher.

"Sorry, sorry, I ran into a bunch of little ducks so I had to wait for them to pass before going," was the 'legitimate' reply. Behind him Sasuke mouthed 'bullshit'.

Then Kakashi changed the subject by saying, "Where's Naruto?"

This got everyone's attention and there was a pregnant pause before Sakura quietly said, "He's never late...Unless something went wrong!"

Kakashi gave a small nod before running in the direction of Naruto's apartment. His team followed him; they were eager to find out what was keeping Naruto from showing up and bothering them.

With Naruto...

"Ahh-chooooooooo,... Excuse me..." Naruto said after releasing a horribly loud and violent looking sneeze in the courtroom back in Noodletopia.

All the noodles stared at him in shock. This was a true monster, and the sound that it had just made proved that. At the same time Naruto thought, 'Someone must be talking about me... why else would I sneeze?'

Seconds later the noodle king walked in and the room instantly went quiet.

"Hello, fellow noodles, I am glad to say that we have captured Uzumaki Naruto but I am _not_ glad to say that it was at the cost of poor 's life."

"So, my noodles, we must persecute this evil murderer! I will do everything in my power to make sure that he will get the ultimate punishment; Death by squishing!" The noodle king said bravely and there was a collective gasp when the last few words were said.

Naruto glared at the noodle but then his eyes widened when he realized exactly what 'death by squishing' meant. He was going to die! My, my, seems like Naruto is a bit slow today.

With Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke...

_Bam!_ The door to Naruto's apartment flew open when Kakashi kicked it.

Sakura shook her head; they were ninja, not army men.

"He's not here, but it looks like someone else was." Kakashi said when he saw Naruto's bed covers and other possessions lying unceremoniously on the floor.

The room went quiet as all three ninja looked around the room for any evidence that might suggest who had been in here.

Now as Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi stared at the puddles of noodle soup on the floor that were shaped like giant footprints it was needless to say that they knew exactly who broke into Naruto's apartment.

Sasuke broke the silence by saying, "Naruto was attacked by noodles?"

Kakashi nodded and after a suspenseful silence he said, "I know where Naruto is... Noodletopia... It is the world of noodles and I hoped that Naruto would never learn of this place because... he would never want to leave..."

With Naruto...

"Let me go! I wanna go hooooommmmeeeeeeee!" Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs as he was being dragged from the courtroom by two very muscular looking noodles.

The court meeting had been very brief; all that happened was the king noodle signed a piece of paper and then screamed, "DEATH TO UZUMAKI!"

Disturbing yes, but all 'great' leaders have something wrong with them.

Uchiha Madara for example. Sure he was the leader of the Uchiha Clan but look what happened there, he's insane and speaks in third person...

Or Sesshoumaru, he also speaks in third person.

Anyway, back in this story Naruto struggled for all he was worth. It must be a lot because he was struggling so hard that it looked like he was having a violent seizure.

Somehow the noodles were able to hold him down and Naruto had to settle for hanging limply in their arms. However, he tensed considerably when he saw...

"The Squishifier." King Noodle said smugly when he saw Naruto's completely shocked expression.

Naruto gulped and said, "You're going to... squish... me with that?"

King noodle grinned and nodded like the maniac he was before turning once again to look at The Squishifier.

The device was very simple; it was just a plate and a giant hammer hanging above the plate that could smash down on anything in the plate if a certain lever was pulled.

Naruto was 'gently' strapped onto the bottom of the plate. By gently I mean that he was punched in the face multiple times in order to make him stop struggling.

Then Naruto looked up at the hammer hanging above him. This was not good; if he didn't do something he would seriously die. So, Naruto, being the smart ninja he is, threw his head back as far as he could and at the top of his lungs he screamed, "SASUKE!"

With Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke...

Sasuke tensed suddenly; he had a very nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach and he did not like it one bit.

"Where is this Noodletopia?" he said in a serious tone while getting ready to jump out of the nearby window to Naruto's rescue.

Kakashi sighed and said, "Here is the teleportation scroll to Noodletopia. Be careful."

Sasuke wasted no time and within the minute he was in the city centre of Noodletopia. Startled noodles stared at him but he gave them no attention, but he simply ran toward where he felt Naruto's chakra was.

Soon he saw the giant plate to which Naruto was tied down to. Sasuke ran down there and when he was standing on the plate beside Naruto he heard the dobe say, "Sasuke! You're here, how did you hear me!"

Sasuke ignored him but instead quickly untied Naruto, threw him over his shoulder and used the teleportation scroll to bring him back to Konoha.

The poor noodles didn't even have the chance to gasp.

With Kakashi and Sakura...

"Why the long face Sakura? I thought you didn't like Naruto." Kakashi said when he saw Sakura moping in the corner of Naruto's apartment.

She turned to glare at him and then said, "It's not that... I just don't like that Sasuke was so determined to go save Naruto... I think Sasuke liked Naruto more than me."

Kakashi looked down and then in comfort he said, "So, you've finally noticed."

Sakura hardened her glare and said, "Are you implying that Sasuke likes Naruto like _that_?"

Kakashi just gave her that knowing look and shrugged; pretending not to know what she was talking about.

Before Sakura could say anything else, Sasuke appeared in the room... with Naruto over his shoulder.

Kakashi gave Sakura a wink and said girl stared at Sasuke with confusion. Why did he look so happy to be holding Naruto on his shoulder?

The Sasuke let Naruto off his shoulder and before Sasuke could say anything Naruto gave him a big hug and said, "Thanks Sasuke! You saved my butt... But don't think that makes you any stronger than me!"

Sasuke smirked that trademark Uchiha smirk and then said, "So what do you say Naruto? Want to get a bowl of ramen?"

Naruto frowned and said, "Nah, but some sushi would be nice."

Sasuke nodded and then the two left the room leaving a smirking Kakashi and shocked Sakura in the room.

"Did... did Sasuke just ask Naruto to dinner?" Sakura said slowly long after the two were gone.

Kakashi chuckled and said, "So you still think they're just friends?"

So... what do _you_ think?


	6. oOo Lee oOo The tutor oOo

Hahaha, I'm looking forward to this chapter... Some very evil ideas are going into this one... unless I deem them too creepy to write about. *Shrugs* We'll just have to wait and see...

Rock Lee- The tutor

"Sasuke-kun! Wait up, I have to talk to you about something very important!" The rather annoying voice of Lee practically screeched at the retreating form of Sasuke.

If Sasuke had known what Lee wanted to talk to him about then he would have ran out of there like Naruto when he got his hands on Opium, 'accidentally' of course.

Sasuke coolly turned back to look at Lee, who had a particularly creepy look on his face while running toward him.

"Thank you for stopping Sasuke-kun, I have a question for you and your answer determines if I remain a virgin or not." Lee said happily and when Sasuke heard the last part his eye twitched and he unconsciously took a step away from the strange ninja.

Lee didn't wait for Sasuke to reply and he continued with, "Will you teach me how to act around girls so that they will like me? Will you, Sasuke Uchiha, be my tutor?"

There was a long pause in which Sasuke stared blankly at Lee before sighing and saying, "No." Long pause, short answer.

After that Sasuke turned around and continued walking down the path he had been on before he was interrupted.

Rock Lee stared at Sasuke's back before throwing his head back and screaming, "Sasuke if you don't come back I will tell everyone in the village you have a Naruto plushie in your room that you hug and kiss everyday!"

Instantly, Sasuke stopped, turned around to glare at Lee and said, "How did you know about that?"

Lee just gave him a wide smile and said, "I did my research, but umm, the only thing I didn't understand about your room is that you have an unusually large amount of girl clothes and make-up. Is it yours?"

Sasuke didn't reply to that but instead said, "Fine, I'll be your tutor, but I will not tolerate disobedience or any talk about what's in my room."

Lee nodded and then Sasuke added, "The girl stuff was Itachi's."

At Lee's dojo...

"So you want Sakura to like you?" Sasuke asked sceptically as Lee gave him a happy grin.

"Yup, I want that sweet angel Sakura to love me and be mine for ever and ever and ever and ever..." Lee said and Sasuke internally felt sorry for Sakura.

Sasuke paced around Lee's dojo and thought about how on earth he could get Sakura to love Lee. The only thing he could think of was that if Lee dressed up as him.

That's it! Lee had to become Sasuke... Then Sakura would definitely love him.

"and ever and ever and ever and ever..." Lee continued until Sasuke walked up at him and gave him a prompt smack on the head.

"Listen, the only way for Sakura to like you is if you become like me." Sasuke said in a deadly tone. He didn't seem to like the idea of Lee acting like him. It would be sooo embarrassing.

Lee's eyes lit up like fireworks and he jumped up from his seat on the floor before screaming into Sasuke's ear, "I, Rock Lee, will become Sasuke so that my one and only true love Sakura will love me for ever and ever and e-"

Sasuke gave the fellow ninja a 'playful' punch in the face before muttering, 'Why does he keep screaming into my ear damn it?'

At Sasuke's house...

"Now that I'm getting a look at it, that Naruto plushie is actually quite cute." Lee said in a perplexed tone to the ever brooding form of Sasuke.

"Just shut up and take your clothes off." Sasuke said gruffly and passed Lee a set of his clothes.

Had someone walked by Sasuke's room and heard that they might have gotten the wrong impression, but that's okay, Sasuke is the definition of 'wrong impression'. You all saw what he does to Naruto right?

When Lee was dressed in Sasuke's clothes he looked a lot better than in his green jumpsuit. Hell, if he wore a dirty rag he would look better than in his jumpsuit.

Sasuke gave Lee an approving nod before taking out a spare comb he had and beginning to get rid of that hideous bowl cut.

A few minutes later Sasuke got a large razor and got ready to make Lee's giant bushy eyebrows thinner.

Lee gulped nervously and Sasuke mercilessly chopped off most of Lee's eyebrows. Then Sasuke took out some of Itachi's makeup and made Lee's eyes not look so large and just plain strange.

Some time later Sasuke let out a pleased sigh and handed Lee a mirror.

Lee gasped when he saw himself in the mirror. He had Sasuke hair, a Sasuke face, and of course the Sasuke clothing. The only thing missing was the trademark Uchiha smirk and glare.

Lee gave Sasuke a wide smile before in a deep much more attractive voice saying, "Thank you Sasuke, I am now off to get my love, Sakura."

Sasuke nodded and with that Lee calmly left Sasuke's house in search of Sakura.

Sasuke looked at the retreating form of Lee and then smirked, he had to see this, he had a very certain feeling that told him something big was going to happen.

With Naruto and Sakura...

"Seriously, that stupid teme better show up soon, we've been waiting for _such_ a long time!" Naruto complained to Sakura, who also was unhappy that Sasuke was so late.

Suddenly Naruto jumped up and pointed to a figure in the distance, "There he is! Sasuke you stupid teme get over here!"

Behind him Sakura gasped when she saw that the figure was not Sasuke but... Rock Lee.

Lee made his way over to the two ninja and he got one shocked stare and one blushed face.

You would expect that the shocked stare would be from Naruto and the blush would be from Sakura... But no. This is after all a crackfic so... Naruto was the one that blushed and Sakura was the one that stared blankly.

Lee looked at Sakura with dreamy eyes before in a husky tone saying, "Sakura-chan, I, Rock Lee, wish to ask you out to dinner tonight."

Sakura gave him a confused look before frowning and saying, "No! No matter how much you look like Sasuke I still don't like you! Copy cat!"

Naruto gave Sakura a glare before saying, "Sakura, how rude! I think Lee looks great... as a matter of fact, if you don't want to go have dinner with him, I will!"

In the bushes, Sasuke looked like he had just relived his parents' deaths. Yes, he was that shocked.

Lee was shocked too, but then after he looked at Naruto's sun kissed skin, cheerful face, and beautiful bright blue eyes he said, "Yeah, sure, let's go."

Again, in the bushes, Sasuke was having a violent seizure.

Naruto and Lee got ready to go have dinner but then suddenly, Sasuke ran out of the bushes with an insane look on his face and screamed, "Noooooooo Naruto is mine! Get away from him you stupid freak!"

Rock Lee looked offended and Naruto was shocked to find out that apparently he was now owned by Sasuke.

Meanwhile, Sakura got a camera and began filming the scene. I have to say that's probably the smartest thing she's done in this story so far.

Then Sasuke continued with, "I will not repeat myself... If you don't get away from _my_ Naruto I will make you eat what's left of your eyebrows."

Rock Lee did as he was told and backed up a couple of steps away from Naruto, who now looked rather sad.

"But... but... Sasukeeeee I wanted to go with Lee, pretty please with those large strawberries you like on top?" Naruto begged.

Sasuke glared at Naruto before walking up to him and pulling him in the forest by his arm and saying, "Remember when we gave each other plushies of ourselves? You promised it would just be me and you!"

Naruto smirked and said, "Yeah I remember, I was just trying to press your buttons, Sasuke-_sama_."

Naruto added the honorific to annoy Sasuke some more.

Sasuke's glare hardened before it completely disappeared when he said, "Does the 'sama' mean that you finally accept me as your lord and master?"

Naruto's eyes widened before he hastily said, "No, umm... it means that.. I respect you?"

Sasuke shook his head before finally saying, "Whatever you say, my little kitsune."

Then before Naruto could do anything Sasuke pulled him into a rough kiss.

With Sakura...

"What's wrong Sakura? You look really sad... did you just get rejected by Sasuke?" Ino asked her so called 'enemy' Sakura.

Sakura sniffled a bit before handing Ino her camera that had the video of Sasuke claiming that Naruto was his and them kissing.

Ino watched the video with shock before saying, "Oh my gosh, this explains everything, Sasuke is gay!"

What happens next is up to you~

But now it is my sad duty (haha duty) to tell you that this story has come to an end... Thank you very much for reading and if you liked it you can check out my Bleach, Inuyasha and Akatsuki little books of crack.

Reviews?


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